I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
