I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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