I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
