Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize