my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize