He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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