I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize