Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
