look no pants
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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