you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
