no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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