I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
