The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
