We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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