I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
