I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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