it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
