I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
