I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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