I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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