In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
