saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
