Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
