On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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