can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
