I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
