I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
