So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
