Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
