Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
