that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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