so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you traded sex for a burrito?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
