Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
