A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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