She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize