All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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