When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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