The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
