Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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