Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
