we're blogging at a bar
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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