I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize