i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
