your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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