i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
