I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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