I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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