There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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