so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
