He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
