he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is Oprah even human
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
