No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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