I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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