S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
