You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
