If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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