I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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