my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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