Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
