YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
