he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
