how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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