my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
