I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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