pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
